The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
