Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Barsexuality is the new black.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
