I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
sex in a hospital.. check
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
