He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
