I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
