Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
