My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
