Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He felt like a one man threesome
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
