it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
