Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
After tacos, we're chasing women.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
