Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
