Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
