They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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