Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
