I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
