You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
