Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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