I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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