Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I will pee on everything he values.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Randomize
