I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
