my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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