HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
what the fuck happened to the tacos
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
