saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Naked Twister starts at high noon
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
