There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
