hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You're a waste of cheezeits
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
