end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
