Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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