I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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