he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
