There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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