i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i think i have herpe
just one?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
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