Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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