I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
