riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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