Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
