I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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