Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
