we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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