he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
