dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
