I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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