What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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