Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
