The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
