so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
