i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I've blown a few things in my day
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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