today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
