Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
