i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
