I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
