They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
