My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
